Family Tech Support 860
This computer, from "Zeos", I think, had a catchy name which I've forgotten, and was marketed as an all-in-one, "zippetty-doo-da" fast, productivity-increasing, feature-packed system, from a company who'll be there tomorrow. It was, like most computers you'd buy for your mom, immediately obsolete, but great for email. It was also great for playing computerized bridge and pinochle which is as far as my mother wants to go in computer gaming. For a couple years this Pentium 75 zippety-doo-dahed along quite happily, raising my mother's productivity considerably before trying to retire early, by pretending its motherboard was fried. Unable to convince it otherwise, I buried the "fried" motherboard unceremoniously at the curb and replaced it with one scavenged from a derelict PC carcass which was camped in my office.
This "new" PC was even faster than the previous, which made it about as current as writing email on parchment with an ostrich feather dipped in India Ink, but bought me another year of not buying a new system. That was a little over a year ago. A few months ago, that computer died too. So, a new computer was ordered, with a place to plug a complete modern life right into the back. USB ports, Serial ports, Modem Ports, Mouse ports, Ethernet, Fishnet, Parallel ports, Perpendicular ports, car ports, Video out, Video back in, and PDA handheld-infrared-ultraviolet-see-in-the-dark-intradimensional wireless toaster ports, pipe anything and everything into a tiny beige box. This box is great for email, and for playing computer bridge and pinochle.
For a month, my mother became really productive (mom's productivity is measured in forwarded joke emails), and then, abruptly, stopped being productive at all. Concerned about the uncharacteristically empty "Mother" folder in Outlook Express (a subfolder of "Deleted Items"), I sent several emails which went unanswered. It occurred to me that she might have been sucked into some port on the back of the computer and was deadlocked in a virtual game of computerized cribbage with either Keanu Reeves or a rogue supercomputer from IBM, but I didn't follow up on this. The next time I heard from her was on my answering machine - "You can cancel my internet access, I've packed up the computer and put it in the closet. Bye."
My mother's messages often sound like epitaphs, but this sounded particularly dire. I knew that either Keanu had beaten her in cribbage or her computer had died. Despite being totally generic, the new computer was still new and still under warranty, a warranty that the computer gnomes in her closet were unlikely to honor, but which my local computer supplier probably would. I took drastic measures and called her. A frustrated woman answered, close to tears "Well, it stopped getting email two months ago and then one day I turned it on and no picture showed up and I didn't want to bother you because 'You're so busy' and I know it's my fault and..."
She was not particularly helpful in troubleshooting the problem. Furthermore, the computer's condition of being unplugged in a dark closet made successful diagnostics so grim a prospect that I patiently explained the whole "gnome-warranty" thing to her and asked that she send it back to me. Swayed by my logic, she agreed, and several days later a package arrived from her.
Understandably excited by the prospect of fixing a computer I bought because it wouldn't need much fixing, I tore open the package to reveal one unremarkable, heavily over-insured surge suppressor. Remember the surge suppressor? Confusion descended. I felt as though I'd ordered a latte and been handed a stapler. Was it the words I'd used? Did the gnome story scare her? Did I say "Please just send me any object and I'll use it to fix your computer from a thousand miles away." Again, I took emergency measures and called her. I pretended that I hadn't opened the box in case it was an early Christmas present. "Please tell me this is an early Christmas present" I said. "No, it's that damned computer" was the reply that I both feared and got. Because this surge suppressor is about as mistakable for a computer as an old leather boot, I had two painful options; one of making my mother feel like a total boob, and the other of configuring an email client on a mid 90s surge suppressor. Boob it would be. I said, as delicately as possible "Mother, this isn't a computer, it's an old boot!"
On my desk now sits the multi-port roadster of a computer that arrived today from Florida. Sure enough, there's the bridge and pinochle CD still in the drive and, sure enough, it doesn't work. I suspect that the huge dent in the case, indicating some sort of collision, trauma, impact, stampede or other violence might have something to do with that. Maybe the tech gnomes took a whack at it. Whatever. She's my mother. I love her. I'll just fix it.
Mother fixation (Score:5, Funny)
Seymour!! I want to send "e-mail"...!!
Hmm (Score:4, Funny)
(Before you mod offtopic, ask yoruself this question: Is there a topic here?)
Wait, I need closure on that anecdote! (Score:5, Funny)
i hate doing tech support for family (Score:2, Funny)
My tech story. (Score:5, Funny)
I was speechless
don't confuse cause and effect (Score:5, Funny)
John Sauter (J_Sauter@Empire.Net)
DENT? (Score:3, Funny)
I have clients almost as bad.
Happened to me, too! (Score:5, Funny)
Favorites (Score:5, Funny)
-Dad
"It just stopped working. I didn't change anything, I swear."
-Dad
"The computer wasn't working, so I pushed the button."
-my wife
"I turned the computer off, unplugged all my devices, turned it back on, uninstalled everything, then reinstalled everything. Now it works. Huh. I guess I'll just have to do that every time."
-Dad again
"Why do you keep putting that : and ) at the end of your messages? It looks stupid."
-brother
I find myself being too honest (Score:2, Funny)
Plus it doesn't help that everyone has their own style of computing. Nothing bugs me more than seeing people use XP with the blue color theme and the taskbar on the left side of the monitor stretched out about 20% of the way across the screen so they can "read the names of the programs easier." Of course if you change that even to just feel comfortable while you work you've ruined the machine forever. Or I love questions that aren't questions, "my desktop is cluttered and I can feel it slowing down, look at all the icons."
But they are family, and they're there for you when no one else is so I guess I can't complain.
Not quite family but... (Score:5, Funny)
After successfully installing the burner and saying our goodbyes, I took off for a 4 month stint in a new province.
Well she got what she wanted and dumped me over the phone! I guess the reverse is true for dumping- it's easier to dump long distance than to deliver tech support.
Lesson: Never solve your girlfriends computer problems completely or she'll devalue your relationship.
Family Tree Tech support: Wood for the fire.... (Score:5, Funny)
Because you *can't* just tell them to go pound sand, or just tell them that they are stupid....
And you want so badly for them to understand...but walking them through things on the phone- no more, stop, please....
Ok, but the WORST part about family tech support is when they start telling their friends, neighbors, etc, that they have a son (or daughter) that can help them too...suddenly its like when you have a truck: you help everyone move- A tech family member: you fix every damn computer in their circle of friends. Hell, it's getting so bad with my family that I think before too long Kevin Bacon is going to call me and ask me to fix his computer....
Kill me now...
Fix it now, young man! (Score:5, Funny)
-- Your Mom
The inherent dangers of the job (Score:4, Funny)
Sounds like my folks (Score:5, Funny)
I failed to notice until a few weeks ago while I was visiting. I saw that for some strange reason there was what appeared to be a tiny white cord dangling from beneath the front cover of the machine. I looked closely at it and realized it was a earbud. Not just any earbud. It was one of those tiny little white ones that still come with cheap AM/FM radios. You know? The one's you use when you listen to the radio in your bed and don't want to wake your wife. SO here sat this tiny little white earbud (actually yellowed since it was probably around the house since the 70's) sitting on his desk. I asked him why he needed it? (Perhaps silent viewing of video files or music?)
No, he didnt have sound. "The sound thingamajig is busted" he said. I take a look at the rear of the PC and notice the speaker wire is missing. SO I scrounge beehind the desk and plug it back in. The speakers are now functional again. I ask him when the sound stopped working and he says, "Oh about a year ago" but I didn't want to bother you.
Something funny about an Old man using a circa 1998 PC with Circa 1960's technology.
RTFM vs. CMFS (Score:5, Funny)
Yes, there was, and my dad selected it, and made a new account for dear Aunt Nan. Then I told him, "Dad, what we have here is your basic RTFM problem."
"RTFM? What's that?"
"That's 'Read The Fuckin' Manual', dad." (my dad is tough, he can take it)
My dad paused and said, "Well, I just decided to CMFS."
Which baffled me. "What's that?"
"Call My Fuckin' Son"
Alan
hehe (Score:1, Funny)
Reminds me of the story of a mother who printed off and then snail-mailed her son a webpage she wanted him to look at.
Next on /. (Score:5, Funny)
You beat me to it (Score:5, Funny)
my mother story (Score:2, Funny)
sis: Mom what do you do when I say double-click.
mom: I click the mouse twice.
sis: Explain that again in more detail.
mom: Well I click the left-button and then wait about a second and click it again, I want to make sure the computer can register both clicks.
sis: Uuuuuhhh
And now for a father story:
This happened to a friend of mine whose father is a recently retired electrical engineer. It seems that the father calls his son to complain that everytime he tries to run solitaire, word perfect comes up!?! So the son says ok lets try running word-perfect, well that works fine. So lets try running mine-sweeper, word-perfect comes up!?! So after an hour or so of trying different things, basically all of wich result in running word perfect, he realizes that somehow the father has associated
Re:My tech story. (Score:5, Funny)
At an ISP I used to work at we once got an email that said "I can't send email."
RE: Fixed!!!!!
Top Family Support Issues: (Score:4, Funny)
2) How do I open this email attachment?
3) How do I install this new program?
4) What did your nephew do to my computer?
5) Dad bought a new (?), how do I install it?
I do tech support for many family members. My mom actually started referring her friends to me. One thing I have learned is to not be too nice to the elderly. Unless you piss them off a little they won't remember the instructions.
My fav... (Score:3, Funny)
Eve INSISTED on storing important HR documents on floppy disks. Tho I explained 20 different reasons why this was a bad idea and better, safer alternatives, she did it anyways.
This lead to "INVALID BOOT DISK" error messages on more than 10 times during a two month span.
As someone who once worked as a trainer, I am quick to politely explain how to fix an issue and many times even a layman's explanation of why.
"Eve, just take the floppy disk out..." etc.
I thought about disabling the option to boot from a floppy disk, but EVERY time she SEEMED to get it.
So finally one day it happened. She called me up:
Eve (stressed)- "I am getting an error message that says 'Invalid Boot Disk' and I did what you said, I took the floppy disk out"
Knowing that FOR ONCE just maybe the hard drive had died, I told her I would come right down.
Luckily, when I arrived Eve was on the phone.
She was right.
She was getting the error message.
She had taken the floppy disk out.
She had NOT, however, read the message that said "PRESS ANY KEY TO CONTINUE"
I waited for a moment, decided that it wasn't worth the effort, and because she was leaned over the keyboard, I turned the comp off and back on and walked away.
She was terminated in next month...
Re:Lack of Equipent (Score:5, Funny)
1) Write free stuff.
2) ?
3) Sell tech support to your family.
4) Profit!
Story time, eh? (Score:5, Funny)
Who is going to be responsible for supporting this computer?
"Me, of course." he answered.
Are you going to be paid for the support you offer?
"Of course not." he replied, wondering why I even had to ask that question.
"Then," I replied, "Simple choice: Get a Macintosh. If things change, and you find you will no longer be required to support it, suggest Linux for the power, flexibility, and reduced cost. On the other hand, if things change and you will still be supporting it, but find you will be paid for the support, recommend Windows."
This Director soon became responsible for Information Technology Support at our site, and recommended a cutover to an all-Windows environment. Fortunately, he allowed some of us to run Linux, under "no support offered" terms.
Just a story, of course. ;-)
Commonly heard answers to questions: (Score:2, Funny)
NOTHING...IT DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING!!!!
Is there a window open on the screen?
Yes.
What does the text say in the window?
(informative information from open window here)
------
Is your Modem plugged into your surge protector?
No, the modem stopped working after the last electrical storm so I unplugged in from the surge protector and plugged it into the wall. It starting working right away. Now it won't work at all!!
---------
Did you reboot the machine?
Yes.
So, you actually shut down the machine and rebooted?
YES! I REBOOTED.
Are you sure you didn't just log off and back in?
Uhhhh......
-----------
Sigh....
it could be worse (Score:3, Funny)
or have done a gem like i've had to troubleshoot
a couple PCs weren't working at school, so I went over to fix them. I flipped the switches and sure enough, nothing worked. So i crawled underneat the table they were sitting on to check if the were plugged in. Sure enough they were plugged into power strips. Only problem, Power strip A was connected to Power strip B, which was connected to Power stip A. If only...
His mom was a boob. (Score:5, Funny)
I'm tech support for every damn person I know.
The solution I found was to tell people I'm billing them at my software development rate ($100). That usually ends the calls pronto. It's kind of like calling a surgeon to tape up your scraped knee. To quote Y. Sam "That's alls I can stand, I can't stands no more!"
Re:My tech story. (Score:5, Funny)
"Uh, were you trying to surge protect the surge protector?"
Re:PCAnywhere (Score:5, Funny)
... and with pcAnywhere installed you could remotely hook yourself up with a free meal whenever you want one! >:)
*click* *click* *CRASH*
*riiiiing* *riiiiing*
"Hello?"
"Hi honey, it's your mom again. I can't check my recipes on the computer again. I'm trying to fix that pot roast you like so much for dinner."
"Oh really? I'll be right over to fix it. I think I might know what the problem is."
I totally feel the pain (Score:2, Funny)
Me: Ok, what's the problem
Mom: The computer won't do anything
Me: Can you move the mouse around?
Mom: Nope, the pointer just sits there
Me: Ok, its just froze, go ahead and turn the computer off, give it a couple of secs and turn it back on
(After a few moments)
Me:Ok, turn it back on now.
Mom:Ok
Me:What is it doing?
Mom:Nothing, its still on the same screen
Me:*Dumbfounded*On the same screen? ok, thats wierd. Didn't go through any booting or anything like that
Mom:No
Me:*idea*What button are you pushing to turn it off?
Mom:The one on the TV thing
Me: Ok, I know what the problem is, on the big tower thingie, there should be a power button, hit that.
Mom:I can't find it
Me: *trying not to sound frustrated*Ok, do you see where the cord goes in to the wall?
Mom:Yes
Me:Pull it out
Mom:Won't that hurt
Me: Probably not
Mom:So it might?
Me:*Not wanting to explain it*No, it won't
Mom: Are you sure?
Me:Yes, I'm sure.
Mom:Ok (sounds in background) Done. Me:now, plug it back in
Mom:Done.
Me: Is it booting up?
Mom:YES!! You are such a genious.
*Conversation irrelevant from here on in.*
Re:My tech story. (Score:5, Funny)
people see 'mailer DEMON, FATAL error' return mail and think they're going to hell for emailing a bad address.
How my father blocks SPAM (Score:2, Funny)
Also, there are notes written all over case of my fathers computer monitor. I don't think he quite gets the whole "use the computer to take notes" concept.
Re:My tech story. (Score:3, Funny)
Right, anyway. A couple of years ago, when the Internet was still something relatively new, my father was going to buy a new computer, and I had joined him to the store to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. He said to the clerk in the store that he wanted to search the internet with his new computer, and that was about it. The clerk replied that, well, in that case just about any computer they had would do, so he might as well go for the cheapest. My dad knew that the Internet was quite large, and so figured that searching all of it would require a powerful computer. Thus he queried why any piece of junk would do for that purpose. The clerk patiently explained in great detail that it isn't really your computer that does all the searching, but you tell another computer on the Internet that you want to do a search, and then that computer, usually some massive supercomputer or a cluster, will do it for you and return the result. My dad was quiet for a while, thinking, and then replied: "Oh, so it's really those massive supercomputers that do the searching?" Looking at me, confused: "So I need to buy a supercomputer, then?"
I was halfway out of the store by then. Young and easily embarrassed.
Re:Ok... where's the rest of the tale? (Score:5, Funny)
> > I had two painful
> options; one of making my mother feel like a total boob, and the other
> of configuring an email client on a mid 90s surge suppressor.
This is Slashdot, we all know how the tale ends:
Features: Porting Linux to a Surge Suppressor!
Posted by Hemos on Tuesday, March 18, @17:00
from the does-it-run-linux dept.
YRO: Geek Sued for Porting Linux to Surge Suppressor Posted by CmdrTaco on Wednesday, March 19, @09:00
from the you-saw-it-coming dept.
Duplicates: Geek Ports Linux to Surge Suppressor, Gets Sued! Posted by michael on Thursday, March 20, @12:30
from the yes-its-a-dupe dept.
Re:My tech story. (Score:3, Funny)
I tried to explain aerodynamics and lift, but she said "I don't know, but they did stop the plane and it was very bumpy. I hate flying." Sometimes it's really hard not to just laugh in the face of your relatives...
Re:Not quite family but... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:My tech story. (Score:5, Funny)
Another favorite (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Not quite family but... (Score:3, Funny)
Or just go get a new woman.
My sister, the clueless (Score:3, Funny)
Me: What kind of PC do you have?
Her: It's a Compaq. I've had this over a year so I guess it will die soon
Me: Huh?
Her: Yeah. all my computers die within a year. And I don't like this one. It won't fit in my desk.
Me: Huh? (note trend)
Her: Yeah, I put the box thing in the desk but the door won't close.
Me: Door? (she now thinks I'm a clueless fuck)
Her: Yeah, it has this large box on the side with a door so I always put the PC box in there and closed the door. This one is too big and I can't close the door. It's a pain
She burnt up a computer every year.
Preventative Measures (Score:5, Funny)
"No, I will not fix your computer."
It is required attire at all holiday family gatherings.
Re:Slow News Day? (Score:5, Funny)
Go on then. Beats working
Re:Hmm (Score:3, Funny)
Choice, my friend, is the difference.
+5 Insightful!? WTF??? (Score:4, Funny)
God, there is no way that taking care of me for 15 years is anywhere equal to the tech support nightmare that is my grandmother.
My mom has a computer science degree, but grandma calls me instead. Ugh.
Re:Favorites (Score:1, Funny)
[$Wife wakes me up out of sound sleep.]
"Can you come get me into the computer? It won't let me in and you were the last person to do something to it."
[ Still half asleep ] "Not my problem - I didn't change anything."
"But can you get me in because I can't get into the computer."
[ Only very slightly asleep ] "Make sure caps lock is not on."[0]
"What is 'capslock'?"[1]
[ No longer asleep ] "The lock for capital letters."
[ She leaves bedroom. It works. ]
[0] NT4
[1] English is not her first language.
Don't do tech support for the Family! (Score:2, Funny)
Then when you start say your too busy, they all start to hate you. You get dumped and completely ostracized from your family.
10 years later you die and get eaten by your 7 cats. You wouldn't want that to happen would you?
Not that this has happened to me or anything, I only have 2 cats.
http://upallnite.com/ [upallnite.com]
This picture (Score:4, Funny)
Please, think of the kittens.
Re:His mom was a boob. (Score:1, Funny)
Go back and watch cartoons!
Comment removed (Score:5, Funny)
Re:His mom was a boob. (Score:5, Funny)
My wife and I were hanging out at home when the phone rang. My wife picked it up, and the one side of the conversation went something like this..
Hello..
No, he's not it, may I take a message?
You are having problems with AutoCAD, and you thought he could help, Why?
Well, since he is not at the store, in order to help you, he will have to charge his consulting fee of $75 an hour, or, you can call on Monday when he'll be in store...
I don't know who was worse, the idiot calling a bookstore employee for help on AutoCAD, or the complete f'ing moron who gave him my home number..
Needless to say, I had some words with that employee.
Re:RTFM vs. CMFS (Score:2, Funny)
Re:His mom was a boob. (Score:2, Funny)
Re:My story from just last week... (Score:5, Funny)
Last Christmas my mother decided to buy my father a complete home theater system with DVD player, surround sound, the whole bit. Of course my father, being a complete technophobe, let it sit in the boxes for days. Finally, my mother asked me to set it up because I "am good at computers", which of course, as the Slashdot crowd knows, makes you an instant expert at anything powered by electricity.
Father in Law (Score:3, Funny)
My Father in Law called me one day and told me that he deleted the Internet.
"I deleted the Internet""really?"
"Yep. It's all gone. Can't find a thing"
"Well then... If I were you I would run and hide because I think you are in a lot of trouble"
"Huh?"
"Hang on..."
(I start Mozilla)
"Seems OK on this end..."
To this day, he still thinks deleting a shortcut for Netscape is the same as deleting the Internet
My parents (Score:3, Funny)
You have to explain to your parents how to cut & paste? I have to explain to my parent what cut & paste is.
Last time somebody emailed my dad some photos, he couldn't view them. I tried to get him to save the attachments to a file and view them with his browser. He didn't know what a browser was. I eventually had him forward me the message, I uploaded the pictures to my website, and sent him an email with links. He *does* know how to click on a link to open a browser. I think. Last time I checked my web site stats, the pictures had not been viewed.
I once had to explain to my parents how to resize a window. That included pointing the mouse at the corner of the window, clicking and holding the left mouse button, moving the mouse to get the desired window size, *and* releasing the left button. That last step eluded them.
My mom once looked at my XML.com t-shirt and said "What a funny sized shirt you are wearing. Extra-Medium-Large!".
Re:My tech story. (Score:2, Funny)
I need to go home now.
Re:Favorites (Score:5, Funny)
Don't listen to me! (Score:5, Funny)
Me, looking at the dozen icons in the systray: Because you've got all that crap running.
Mom: I need that.
Me: Okay, suit yourself.
A week goes by
Mom: I bought this printer and it doesn't work, I get this exception error whenever I plug it in.
Me: That's probably because of all the crap you have running.
Mom: Why doesn't this work!!!!
===== A not-far-from-reality dramatization follows =====
Mom: Godddamn it!!!! Why doesn't my computer work! You like to play with computers!!!!! Fix it, damn it!!!!
Me: Look, I told you not to install and run all that crap, but you do anyway!!!!
Mom: But I need it!!!!!!
Me: No, you don't!!!!!
Mom: I do too! I think I know a LOT more about computers that you do, mister!!!!
Me: Then what are you calling me for?!
Mom: Because I can! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
simple ... (Score:1, Funny)
whenever people ask me what I do, I say that I "work with computers"
I simply respond, "I work with Unix computers."
Very few seem to make it past that.
S-
ps: Oh, and whenever I call a company and they
ask me what OS I run, I make damn sure to say "Solaris" and when they start to go critical, I don't let them off the hook. I love RCN telling me that my computer was "incompatible" with the Internet. uh huh. Actually, RCN asked if Solaris was a new product from ms, I responded "I hope not"
Re:My tech story. (Score:1, Funny)
Haha. A few years ago, when I was a lowly 21 year old intern at the world's largest manufacturer of slot machines, we hired a new engineer with a Master's in CS from UC Davis. His first task was to set up a handful of DEC Vax machines on one of our test benches. He set up the stacks, then plugged one surge protector into another then tried to fire up each of the Vaxes. I almost wet myself I was laughing so hard. He was quickly let go, and last I heard, had actually completed his PhD. Amazing!
My mom (Score:3, Funny)
I'm proud of my Big Iron Momma.
Re:Lack of Equipent (Score:5, Funny)
1) Write free stuff.
2) ???
3) Get supported by your family.
4) Profit!
My best family incident (Score:5, Funny)
Re:My tech story. (Score:3, Funny)
Guy calls up, furious we hate handicapped people, and goes on and on about how the country has ripped him off since Vietnam and so on. The tech goes, "Wait, what? Slow down? Who said our systems insulted you because you're handicapped?"
DOS said "Invalid command or parameter." The tech explained what that meant, and that it wasn't calling him an "invalid." Good laughs are had by both sides.
Re:Lack of Equipent (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Lack of Equipent (Score:3, Funny)
- Coffee beans/grinder/caffetiere
- Sledgehammer
- Padlock to lock family members in another room when they start screaming at you for opening the pc.
"YOU'RE GONNA BREAK IT!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!"
Of course, you could use the sledgehammer instead of the padlock, or improvise with some rope, but all 3 of those are VERY important tools.
Re:Standardizing the family (Score:2, Funny)
awesome! I enjoy hearing about a family that has a clue.
What is that like?
Re:Lack of Equipent (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Tech support for your family?? (Score:2, Funny)
You need to introduce him to the joys of Usenet. All the pr0n you can use, 24/7/365. It's a beautiful thing.
Erm...so I've been told, anyway...
Re:Lack of Equipent (Score:3, Funny)
Lunar eclipse pagan party interruption (Score:4, Funny)
There was a nice big log cabin with a stream running through it, a wood stove, and a big bonfire outside. A whole bunch of people were dancing around the fire, playing drums and various musical instruments and singing songs about the moon. Even the local Anglican minister was there! He was cool.
If it were warmer outside, most of the people would have been skyclad.
So I am standing near the fire and the dancing singing people in the middle of nowhere.... and this guy walks up to me who I do not recognize.
"Are you Jeff Koftinoff?" He asks.
"Yup." I reply.
"My computer doesn't boot. How do I fix it?"
Now I know how doctors feel at parties. I felt like throwing him into the fire.
--jeff++
Falling into the Redundant Category... (Score:2, Funny)
One day I get a phone call from my mother saying that the computer won't work. I asked what she was doing at the time of the failure.
"Getting rid of things so that I have space on the floppy disks."
"Hmmm...Go on."
"Well, I deleted a file and suddenly the computer wouldn't work any more."
"What was the file you deleted?"
"I don't remember the name."
"Did you look at it before you deleted it?"
"Oh, yes."
"And?"
"It was just gibberish and funny symbols."
Sigh.
Managed to track down a friend who could restore the files, fortunately.
Internal PC repairs over the phone (Score:3, Funny)
We set it all up for him in advance and shipped out a monitor, PC, keyboard, ect via UPS..
Shortly after it arrived we got the call ( as expected). He has it all setup but nothing happens when he turns it on..
We go over the power cords but everything sounds ok..
My worst fear was the CPU fell out of the slot.. I figure since this guy is a master carpenter he can handle a screwdriver.
I told him I thought the CPU might be loose and he'll need to open the case to check..
Just look around for the big silver heat sink with 2 fans on it when you get it open.
No problem.. He'll get a screwdriver and call me back when he has the cover off..
10 minutes later he's back on the phone.. It's open but he can't find a silver heatsink with a fan on it anywhere.. hmmm
Me:What do you see?
Him: Well there's a bunch of wires, boards and a big tube.
Me:A tube???
Him: Yeah a tube.
Me: Did you open the monitor?
Him: Thats the PC isn't it?
Me: Umm no.. Don't touch anything in there.. Just put it back together. We need to open the big square box up that all the cables hook up to.
Him: ohh the power supply..
Me: Umm yeah sure thats it.
Him: ok I'll call you right back (click)
After he got "that other box" open he found the CPU and got it back in it's little slot..
After that everything was great.. till he bought a printer later that week at wall-mart..
You insensitive clod, obviously... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Lack of Equipent (Score:3, Funny)
like I would slip up and say, "that is the C-4 enclosed in a linksys router.....damn busted!"
Not a chance you'd slip up there.
I can verify for an absolute certainty that particular router filled with C-4 is installed in my workplace simply by judging by how spectacularly they go down.
Re:My tech story. (Score:3, Funny)
We still don't know if the kids were playing around with the email, or if the person was smoking something.
- Sam
Re:Not quite family but... (Score:5, Funny)
You're helping her because you have a penis. This is very similar to being an idiot, so it's hard to tell the difference.
To spot the difference, try this: if her calls are predictable, jack off right before her next call. If you still help her, yeah, you're an idiot. If you're able to resist her soon after jacking off, your problem is with your penis-to-brain interface.
Hope this helps,
Penis Technical Support
Re:This picture (Score:2, Funny)
Please, think of the domo-kuns.
Oh the stories (Score:2, Funny)
I had to scroll down 2 screens to see everything.
Every piece of spyware, adware, malware was there. ISP software from ISPs they don't use. Tons of programs HP included for no good reason. Random apps of unknown orogin. Kazaa. Napster. Multiple installations of AOL. Everything.
It runs much faster now.
I can't tell you how many people have had this conversation with me:
Them: "I am having such-n-such problem"
Me: "What OS?"
Them "Windows 97"
I have had people adamently insist they were runing "windows97." I think I've also heard of windows99. It's probably better than 97.
Re:Lack of Equipent (Score:5, Funny)
"No, I'm going to fix it. I do this every day at work with $3,000 systems, this one is worth $50. If I break it, I'll buy you a nice new shiny one. Now be a nice little daddy/mommy/brother/sister and go take your valium."
Even more, I love the "Nahh, I don't have anything I need on that computer. You can just delete everything." To that, I nod knowingly, and copy the entire HDD over to the new one, and surely enough they panic a few hours later, and I get to pull their files out of "no where" and save the day.
People are funny.
Oh- and my dad always wants my brother to do it instead because my brother fixes cars.
-Sara
Re:Lack of Equipent (Score:1, Funny)
You are also using logic. That's just weird. It's like you read the article. Must be because you didn't have to click on a link this time.
Re:Lack of Equipent (Score:4, Funny)
Her: The password doesn't work
Me : Do you have capslock on?
Her: Oh yes, I'm sorry.
Me : Ok, try again.
Her: It doens't work.
Me : Is capslock on?
Her: Yes.
Me : Could you turn it off?
Her: Oh, sorry.. [Mouse clicking sounds] Ok..
Me : Right, ok, now look on the keyboard. over to the left hand side. Is there a button on the keyboard marked "Caps Lock".
Her: Yes, and there's a little green light on.
Me : Ok, now press that button.
Her: [pause] ok. Oh the light goes off. Oh wait it's turned back on now. oh, it's off now... oh wait it's on again.. oh wait it's off again. oh now it's on again.
Me : Stop pressing the button!
Her: Oh, allright..
Me : Is the light on or off now?
Her: Which light?
Me : AGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!! THE ONE YOU WERE JUST PRESSING!
Her: Oh, umm, how do I know that it's on?
Me :
Her: Is it on when It's lit? Ok, it's not lit now.
Me : Ok, now type in your password and press return..
Her: It's not working.. oh wait, the box has disapeared.. why has the box disapeared? oh wait something new is happening.
Me : So it's working now..
Her: [Starts reading off icon names on the desktop].. yes I think that fixed it... I can take it form here. [reads off the program name she wants to use] that's the program right?
Me
etc...
The funny thing is, she's usualy quite sane... It's amazing what computers will do to people..
anyways...
Re:His mom was a boob. (Score:2, Funny)