Patent on Gratuitous Recognition Solicitation, by Erasmus Darwin.
This was an obvious choice. It captured the spirit and style of a real patent application in every way, and was so stupid that the USPTO would almost certainly approve it as a real application, given the way the office has been behaving (badly) the last few years.
This was a harder choice, but we finally settled on these three: One Handed Food, by Coplan, Drag-n-Drop Shopping, by booch, and Biological Lens Intermitent Natural Kovering(tm), by aidoneus
And here are the 11 entries that Slashdot moderators chose to grace with the coveted "Plus 5" ranking, from which we made the final selection. Winners, please email email@example.com to set up delivery for your prizes. I'll need your real names, street/shipping addresses, and (for tshirts) your shirt size.
Thanks to everyone who entered. This has been great fun.
The only thing we regret is that this amazingly stupid patent wasn't an entry. But it wouldn't have been eligble anyway because, believe it or not, it's real!