Voices From The Hellmouth Revisited: Part Six 11
"When I was getting beaten up in middle school, the perp managed to convince the administration that I was bugging him just as bad (BS!) And so they called it a case of "mutual harassment." And did nothing. I'd love to see a lawsuit against the school district AND the officials involved in a case where they were made aware of student abuse and failed to take any action. Short of that, they'll keeping looking the other way, like they always do. Remember the schools (public anyway) only care about keeping people in seats; otherwise they lose their funding. Kicking a student out for being a bully means less money for the school. Cynical of me? Maybe. Getting slammed into lockers daily for 2 or 3 years will do that to you. I'm almost done with my undergrad work, and still have scars from middle school and high school."---A.C. (Original Comment 1)
"When the school reopens, the geeks will still be shunned and ridiculed. Anyone caught making comments like the thousands Katz received will be subjected to the trauma of being ordered to receive counseling or expelled. The lesson being that differing opinions and the improper use of words is itself a dangerous and heinous act to be suppressed. This just builds more tension and resentment toward a school system structured more like a prison than an educational institution. And no one, not the students, not the parents, not the media, will stand up to defend a different opinion because a paranoid society will only suppress such people harder. Some will, on mere reflex, curse them as nazi/homo/Goth/death squad sympathizers. Others, particularly in the schools, where mind control is stronger, will try to convince them of the error of their wrong thinking. They will be badgered, continuously, unendingly, letters written to their parents, physicians secretly notified, psychiatrists and social workers too, all behind their backs, the conformists see it as their God given mission to 'help' these people before (they just assume) they can hurt anyone else."---R. (Original Comment 2)
"If either of the Colorado gunmen had been able to stand up in class and talk about the rage they were feeling, or speak to guidance counselor about it, maybe none of this would have happened. But they knew that if they told the truth about how they felt, they would be punished, just as many of the messages Jon has received have described. Instead, you bottle your rage up inside until you are triggered to lash out by the smallest, most inappropriate things. And you are punished for that. Repeat the cycle a few more times, and you get a psychotic vicious animal. Over the past few days I've been reacting to the Colorado tragedy, and wondering why, while I'm sad at the loss of life, I feel more sympathy for the gunmen than any of the people that were killed by them. I think the answer is that deep down I realize that given less fortunate circumstance (i.e. my parents making lots of sacrifices to take their kid out of the public school system where he was getting beaten up on a daily basis, and putting me into private school) I could have been one of those kids."---R. (Original Comment 3)
"Let's back off for a moment. I was a geek, I was tortured in high school, and despite now being a high-paid professional with an office full of computers, the scars still show. But that's true of most of the respondents, I'm sure. What I'm curious about is root causes. What's so good about conforming? Why do people in school want the whole world to be mirrors of them? Would that not create a horribly boring world? Why torture people because they are different? Anyone know? I think if we understood that, we would understand many of the world's problems."---D. (Original Comment 4)
"I had a 4.0 GPA through high school. I wasn't an athlete, and I engaged in many geek-like things such as reading science fiction and playing on the computer. I was not made fun of though. Actually I had it pretty easy. I wasn't part of the ultra-popular group, but I was well liked. Partially it was because I made up for my good grades with lots of hell raising. I drank like a fish. (I used to chug half pints of Kessler, for example.) I was not above throwing eggs at teachers' houses or other bits of minor mischief. (Nothing serious though.) But I was also liked because I helped the other kids out academically. Let's just say with my assistance it was almost magical how the test answers appeared in some people's heads. Also, I attended a small, rural high school, with people who had mostly gone to school together for all 12 years. This made everybody pretty much get along."
"But there were people who were mistreated severely, and I must shamefully admit that I took part in it. One day in my early 20s I reflected back on some of the ways I'd treated other people and recoiled in horror. That was the day that I truly realized I was an adult. When I understood that treating people so horribly was simply not acceptable. (Those who know me know I never tire of giving people a hard time, but it is always good natured - or behind their backs). In sixth grade we had to transfer buses at one school to go to another. We all waited for the bus to empty before getting in. From time to time someone would yell out, "First one on the bus loves Tanya". Now Tanya was an extremely poor girl. She was also extremely thin. In retrospect it is probable that she suffered from malnutrition. She also wore a random collection of worn out hand me downs. One particular outfit was an old green McDonald's uniform, that she was teased mercilessly for wearing. While she wasn't terribly ugly by my recollection, for some reason she was considered the ultimate worst girl to be with. Nobody would ever admit they were in love with Tanya. So nobody would get on the bus. We would stand there for five minutes or longer while the school bus driver screamed at us to get on. Finally, Tanya herself (who was standing there the whole time) would get on, at which point someone would scream out "Last one on the bus loves Tanya" and everybody would rush the door, pushing and shoving to avoid being the last one on. Tanya was also subjected to numerous other forms of ridicule and I can only imagine how much this affected her. (I wish I could have just one more school dance so I could ask her on a date)."
"In high school there was a real classic nerdy guy named Wilbert. With a name like Wilbert, you know you're in trouble right off. He wore glasses. He read science fiction. His hair frizzed out all over the place. He was totally into computers. In retrospect, this guy should have been my best friend! But instead I was one of the ringleaders in making fun of him. (I even recall once getting a specific talking to from a teacher about this). I saw him at the 10-year reunion last summer. He was still a geek - and a successful one at that. He didn't appear to harbor any ill will - at least none that he cared to share with us. Of course there were more. Mostly it was girls who got mistreated. Particularly the fat ones. If you were a guy you could always make up for any deficiency in natural popularity by doubling up on the alcohol consumption. That's a sure fire route to respect. I don't regret much in life. Well, I mean I regret things, but there are few things I would go back and change if I could. Who I am today depends as much on the bad decisions I made as good. But if I could I would go back and treat certain people a lot better than I did. I'm not proud of the way I was as a kid, and I hope that I do a much better job of avoiding gratuitous cruelty to others today." ---A.M.R. (Original Comment 5)
"200 rounds of ammo: $70
Two ski masks: $24
Two black trench coats: $260
Seeing the expression on your classmates' faces right before you blow their
heads off -- priceless. There are some things money can't buy, for everything
there's Master Card."
---P.C. (Original Comment 6)
"Jon, I appreciate what you're trying to do here, I really do - after all, you're trying to give people a voice, and that's what the net is all about. I think it's remarkable that so many of us connect with the Littleton shootings in such a personal way. I know I do. Even at the age of 25, and in spite of having had a reasonably good time in high school, I can identify in the same way - that nobody was bothering to listen, and that nobody really cared. To me, those are the real issues, and we need to start moving on them. It's important that we talk, and it's important that we respond. Our (including both your American, and my Canadian) dog-eat-dog societies are unraveling at the seams, and it's time to take the time to listen to each other, and to validate each other's experiences. We lie in a world where empathy is in short supply, and the dominant messages of our time are driven by the bottom line, as opposed to human need. I hope we can learn to start caring for one another. My two cents."---R. (Original Comment 7)
"This is not about solace. This is not about blame. This is about preventing this sort of tragedy in the future. This is about understanding what took place, where the dominoes started to tumble, and the exact placement of every brick in the wall. If you understand why these kids chose to do this, you are on the path to stopping the next tragedy. Blaming the killers will not do that. Banning black trench coats will not do that. Even making kids responsible for their own actions will not prevent this sort of tweedy, because you cannot call a suicide into detention. Recognizing the warning signs - the real warning signs - will help. Knowing how to help a teen deal with stress will help. Caring about a teenager will help. This can be done by faculty. This can be done by other students. This must be done by parents. God himself can lay blame; I have no right to. But there are key people who can prevent these tragedies. As a society, we must make sure that these people are both able to do the right thing and responsible for doing the right thing. As far as high school being a Nazi Death Camp: it isn't. The closest environment is prison, complete with the inmate pecking order and the eerie cooperation between the guards and the largest group of inmates to "keep the peace". For most of us, it is tolerable because we led productive lives outside those six hours. Most of us had caring parents, and we had nurturing homes to go to. If you went through school without having that environment, without anyone who cared, you would have broken down. Of those who have been broken, some will get their hands on guns and go postal. The basis of all love is respect."---R. (Original Comment 8)
"When I read all these awful stories, I just can't help but wish there were a place where the "talented misfits" could go to find an uplifting, supportive atmosphere. Of course, you're not going to find that sort of silver bullet anywhere. But I still wish one existed. On a more pragmatic level, the best advice I can think of came from another Slashdotter: Get your GED and get out! If your high school is a living hell because you're bright, you sure as shootin' ought to be able to pass some lame GED exam and move on to college, where (usually) you can be challenged and appreciated. Ordinarily, I'd say high school is a valuable and necessary step -- socially -- in the growing up process, but if high school society is the cause of your problems, get out! One word of caution: Going to college is no panacea, either. I knew underage college students who were just as miserable and lonely as high school as high school students. Your fellow students may not be the abusive assholes they were in high school, but they ARE as many as seven years your senior - and a hell of a lot happens in those seven years. Even If you are their intellectual peer, a social gulf will still exist. You have to go through late adolescence eventually, and it won't be easy anywhere. This, of course, brings me back to the idea of some sort of "geek haven" high school that tormented outsiders could go to. Boarding school, of course, with 100-base-T in every room. Please don't crash down on me with the logistical problems, I'm daydreaming. You may argue that the real world is a whole lot more like high school than we care to admit, and you're only hurting yourself hiding from it. I would disagree in one key aspect, though, which is that in the real world your tormentors rarely have the chance to actually beat you up. And in a battle of wits, we geeks can hold our own." ---W.B. (Original Comment 9)
"It seems pretty funny to me that ANYONE who didn't know these kids can make such bold statements about their motives and beliefs. These kids were suffering some kind of mental imbalance/disorder (I assume we can agree that brutal violent acts are a sign of psychological problems). The fact is these kids committed a terrible crime, and then decided to kill themselves. No one can know what they were thinking, or what made them do it, or whether they were suffering any abuse from students, teachers, or even a parent. For reasons we will never know, these two boys felt their best option in life was to kill others and then themselves. Where were the teachers and therapists three months ago? A year ago? How many kids have to die by their own hand or others before people realize something is wrong? Finally, who cares if these kids were geeks, nerds, rednecks, Goths, gamers, preps or jocks? Every person, regardless of age or social clique has the right to self-respect and freedom of choice. Those of us who have survived the hell of public school need to remember what it was like, as we get older so we can make it easier for the next generation. Maybe if we spent more time treating kids like people and less time branding them evil we could actually prevent any more pointless deaths."---N. (Original Comment 10)
"The question that I would like answered is what are we going to do as a group, as a "geek/nerd" society? Our very culture and way of life is being attacked. Sure high school is hell and I can't wait to get out. But what about until then? How can we stand back and watch our fellow nerds be singled out for anti-social behavior or for a love of games, be they role-playing or video? I think it's wrong that the school system is trying to force individuals to fit into the cookie cutter. Be the American dream! Whose dream is it anyway? When it said on a televised funeral that the "athletes" of a school are the ones to be proud of because they spend their free time on the court or on the field, I think it is time that we look and see that there is something seriously wrong."---D.A. (Original Comment 11)
"The second I saw this on TV (I was actually at my apartment watching the live broadcast as it happened) I knew that it wouldn't be long before the media would start its witch hunt. Even with this in mind, I was surprised as to how quickly all the wrong things are blamed. One by one, all the "tell-tale symptoms" were uncovered: KMFDM lyrics on one's web page, copies of Doom and similar games, black trench coats, anti-social behavior. I don't want to rant too long, since it would be a re-hash anyway, but I can't help but look on this from a few different angles. In high school 3 or 4 years ago, I was a form of the trench coat mafia, wandering the halls with nothing better to do. Then I could get away with it. Out in the real world I've already been harassed three times by police for wearing my coat (never mind that it was cold and raining...that's all circumstantial evidence to the obvious truth I was going to kill everyone in the deli if my chicken salad sandwich wasn't perfect) and I don't want to think back and imagine what it would be like now."
"But my younger brother doesn't have to: he's there, and mad as hell about what's going on. He's already asked if he can borrow my coat and an old pair of boots so he can hand out some "Doom" paraphernalia. I say more power to him, but what he sees as a little prank could end up getting him suspended or expelled. My dad doesn't have to imagine, either. He teaches in a city middle school and has already gotten two or three death threats from students he's had to turn in for bringing loaded weapons to school. Not to say he's one of the "those" admins. He's the dad of two geek guys and supports my brother's attempts to point out exactly how absurd some schools have gotten. But what if one of his former students says to themselves, "Hey, if those guys in Colorado did it and became famous, why can't I?" And then my dad would be another victim of a senseless killing."---O.W.J. (Original Comment 12)
---T.V. (Original Comment 13)The Land of the Free Everyday of our lives we a
re taught the same lesson:
Don't fight the system,
Don't speak out,
Don't dress differently.
Be part of the crowd,
But don't make a scene.
Don't be a blip on the radar of humanity.
Blend in.
This message has been etched in stone
And continues to repress and distress.
The hatred multiplies
As those "freaks", those cancer on the popular skin,
Must comply.
But it is this silence
That feeds the violence.
All of the Doom
Brought forth by a volatile human Quake
May seem Unreal
But this is no game,
And it was no game that caused this.
It was the repression, the deception,
The correction, the depression.
If the undesirables make a stand,
Raise their collective hand,
If they even dare to breathe,
Push them down; make them desirable.
That's the American way.
If something is wrong, just point blame
On television or a video game.
There's no shame in that.
It's not the parents' fault:
They are symbols of perfection,
Models for the youth.
To tell you the truth,
Why am I even writing this poem?
It's not about talent or scholarship,
But conformity and censorship.
1984 is not too far-fetched.
Let's just hope that all the dreamers,
All the geeks, all the freaks,
Stay true to themselves
Because they can emancipate the slaves
Hopefully without filling up the graves.
They are the key
To making this nation what it claims to be:
The land of the free.
publish it,,, (Score:2)
I want to buy a couple copies and toss it in a
few people's faces and say read it.
That last poem... (Score:1)
Comment #6 (Score:1)
Death is not funny, the person that wrote that is obviously a troll, in my eyes, and I think it is wrong on many different levels to publish a comment like that.
Publishing (Score:1)
If Slashdot isn't willing to publish this because of a few jerks, we can publish this ourselves. Take a little time to print the series out and give it to people. The more people who get the message, the better.
Re:A happy story (Score:1)
This is so dead-on. In this little slashdot community we often get caught up in some gang-mentality of saying we were all right and they were all wrong, or some other similar nonsense. Here is a case where both sides need to change. Neither side is perfect. Neither side is necessarily right, for that matter. I know I couldn't have said it as well as Dido, and I hope that this is recognized.
Re:Publishing (Score:1)
It is kinda kewl having these morons call
and ask for help with aol because they heard im into computers still. Telling them sure for $110
an hour and hearing them gasp is sweet revenge:}
Boarding School (Score:3)
You're not daydreaming. It's a possiblity, and an opportunity that most don't realize are open to them. It's true that the lesser boarding schools will be unlikely to offer you any sort of financial assistance (money probably being the biggest 'logicstical' problem that I can think off, and likely what he was talking about), but the better ones sure can.
It's true that the 'better' ones with the money are far, and few in between, but if you're good enough (at whatever...) to be an outcast, you definitely have a shot into these schools. A personal experience:
I went to public high school in South California in a lower-middle-class neighborhood for the first two years. Some physical abuse, although by keeping a low profile, it was mostly avoided. But it still sucked. I had my P.E. locker broken into repeatedly (good locks don't do jack shit, as any high school gangbanger would testify), and my regular locker broken into once. (After which I carried all my books in a huge bag on my person, but whatever...)
All of this changed when my dad was talking to an old friend of his, and the guy mentioned that he'd just sent his daughter to boarding school. Now, this guy isn't hugely well-to-do either, and we all knew that boarding school was expensive. Really expensive. It turns out, that she had gotten a scholarship from the school, that covered most everything.
This daughter of hers -- not to say that she wasn't a good student, but she wasn't outstanding. Nonetheless, she went to Blair Academy [blair.edu], went to Smith, got sick of it, switched to UPenn, and is now out, and being fought over by Goldman Sachs and Merill Lynch, etc. etc.
After my parents heard this (and they knew that high school sucked, but didn't really understand how much) decided to let me apply to private schools, hoping for a scholarship. (Seeing as how I could not have gone by myself either).
I applied to Thatcher [thatcher.org], Blair [blair.edu], and Exeter [exeter.edu].
Surprisingly, though all three accepted me, but only Exeter (arguably the best out of the three, but only IMHO, of course) gave me any money -- but they gave me quite a bit.
The general breakdown is as follows:
$24,000 total tuition at Exeter every year (room, board, tuition, all food)
- $20,000 endowed scholarship
- $1,000 loan, ($25 interest per quarter) = $1,000 out of pocket a year.
Pretty generous of them, I think.
Exeter was great -- absolutely no harassment of any kind, most _everyone_ was nice, we has 100-Base-T, though it was hampered (see that Kuro5hin article for details...), and the classes were great. Compared to public schools, this was like night and day.
I've since graduated and am now at Dartmouth College [dartmouth.edu], enjoying the unhampered internet access.
I'm hoping that maybe someone out there is reading this right now, and will ask their parents about applying. The cost for applying can be waived very easily, and the only formality is an "SSAT" test for 10th graders and below. (11th, 12th grade applicants submit PSAT and SAT scores, mostly). Interviews can be done by alums in the local area, so there is no flying out to the school, although you can certainly do that as well if you so choose
So, go on now! Apply! It won't hurt ya a bit, I promise!
Poor Taste (Score:2)
I usually try to uphold Jons articles as being tasteful and relevant, but including this in the Hellmouth comments seriously damages the message that is being sent out. If someone was trying to explain their angst, I would think they could do so in a way that didn't lend itself so easily to misinterpretation. This time the criticism is well-founded, perhaps more time should be taken to select which of these comments are included in the complete work.
Re:Publishing (Score:1)
It's still better than nothing.
I'm still in high school, and I've had people I barely know call me for help on some web page project they're doing
I'm lucky in that I haven't suffered as much as many of the people here, due to a combination of an above average quality public school and social skills beyond what most geeks I know have.
It doesn't help being barely over 5 feet when you're 17 though. I've always felt what's described here like it's in my peripheral vision, as if I'm barely avoiding it. Sometimes I don't. I want people to know what goes on. I'll print this out and shove it in their faces if it's the best I can do. If this does get published, I'll buy multiple copies for people.
Okay that rambled a bit.
enough already? (Score:1)
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A happy story (Score:1)